a collection of small poems and thoughts
before you go
set your keys on the table and hang your coat
sit down next to the fire with me
and let the silence of the room speak for us.
when i was around you the world was different
it had a glossy film around it, making it shiny and exciting
getting stuck in snow banks and dancing in the grocery during a shutdown
it is like the little girl inside me finally got to enjoy life.
but every deal you make with the shadow man comes with a price
the shadows covering my mouth at night so that nobody could hear
the repaying of debt as water filled my green eyes.
you called yourself a man yet you loved like a boy
they will tell you that you can still make cookies without sugar
but it is no longer a cookie yet a salt lick.
when he looks at her with the soft look of anger in his eyes
in those innocent hazel eyes it is like the world goes still
when you come back down from your hierarchy you finally realize
she was just the wilting flower and you were lacking oxygen.
he absolutely broke her heart without even stealing it first.
you wanted the vintage love
having your champagne attraction like Gatsby and Buchanan
scandalous lady with a selfish heart
the green light at the end of the dock helped you realize you’d forever be apart
all she wanted was the chance to play in the rain
you were supposed to be in the street
holding her head between your hands
giving her the word
and instead you stayed inside
as she went unnoticed, sitting in the rain
she told herself a good lie
the sky was no longer the only one to cry
october
sometimes i forget how to breathe
i forget that i am alive and well
i forget the way he made me feel driving to his house in october
i sometimes forget the speed limit on the road i always took
but i remember the roads are dry in october
i remember the smell of the air outside and the scent of the candles your mother lit
when it rains i am reminded of how you made me feel on those fall night
i am sent to wonder how you chose her over me
without you i forgot how to live for a bit of time
yet with you i wasn’t alive
but for him he would have come to me
i wouldn’t have to remember how he liked his pizza
and maybe i’d still be alive if it i chose him over you
because you chose her over me
maybe i would still love the way my hair was put up
maybe i’d still love driving in october
the leaves don’t look as exquisite as they did before i fell in love with you
i don’t think of pumpkin carving as an enjoyable moment
the line crossed at falling out of love for you
because i sadly still love october.
alana’s writings 